Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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