if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i out mim tonsoeep
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