I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
