I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
