is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
