Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
