I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
