Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
