I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
