pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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