Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
