Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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