i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
