a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
