Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
