I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
