garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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