I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
