dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
