Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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