respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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