I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
