i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
