so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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