Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
