wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
