you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize