you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
