for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I FOUND THE LEGS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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