Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
