A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
