Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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