Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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