it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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