I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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