I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
