people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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