She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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