I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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