There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
