i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
