He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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