It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
