i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize