having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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