If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
