does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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