does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize