Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
