It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
