weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
