All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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