So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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