how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
