I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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