do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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