Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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