I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
