My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
