Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
