I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
