You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize