then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
