White coat. Heels.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
