If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
