He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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