I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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