God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
