last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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