i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
