I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize