I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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