How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
