Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
