so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize